My youngest daughter just gave birth to a girl last June. We live together in one home – 7 of us representing 3 generations of our family: grandparents, daughters, grandchildren and a son-in-law. Hence, I have been able to see first-hand what my daughter went through, carrying her baby in her womb for 9 months and caring for her during these first 4 months following her birth.
I must say, I am in awe of my daughter, and because of her, I am in awe of Women in general!
Don’t get me wrong. I have 3 children (2 girls and a boy), 6 grandchildren and 2 great-grandchildren – yes, Victoria, I am (in the eyes of many people) an old dude, though I like to think that I’m not! But despite this “track record” of having children, grandchildren and even great-grandchildren, if you want to call that a track record, this is like the first time that I have experienced what it is to have and raise a child.
And why do I say that? To begin with, where we came from originally (the Philippines), many families had maids, household helpers or, in the politically correct term now back home, kasambahays, literally “companions at home”. In many instances these would be economically disadvantaged relatives from the province who would work in the city often as household helpers and send part of their earnings back home to help their parents and siblings.
So, very often, when one has an infant or a young child, care of the child is entrusted to the maid or nanny at least part of the time, freeing up the mother to attend to other matters or to go back to work if she is employed. Maternity leave benefits in the Philippines are very meager compared to what Canada provides. And men/husbands are much less hands-on than one finds in Canada. Back home, caring for a child is the mother’s responsibility and fathers get involved only in case of emergencies or photo-ops!
Moreover, when we were still in the Philippines, our eldest daughter lived with her partner in a separate household, and we would see them and their children only on weekends, unlike the situation we are in here now, as I mentioned earlier, where we all live in one home. Thus, from early morning to late at night, we have the opportunity to interact with our latest granddaughter, whether it be to help change her diapers, keep her entertained with nursery rhymes and games (and making all sorts of faces we would not dare show in public) while Mama is cooking, accompany her during strolls around the neighborhood, etc.
My daughter has taken a leave of one year from her work and therefore has had the opportunity to devote this one-year period full-time to the care of her baby. But despite her having the time to focus on her child, she does need time to take a break, particularly since these early months are essentially sleepless nights, with the baby waking up every so many hours asking to be fed, having her diaper changed, and the countless other tasks that mothers have to undertake with their babies – comforting them, lulling them to sleep, etc.
Mother and 2-month old baby
So, we all pitch in to help her take a breather or be able to focus on other tasks like cooking, exercising and so forth. This is where the grandparents, auntie and cousins volunteer their services. Fortunately for my daughter and her husband, they both work from home and have set up a home office, so when the Daddy is free, he comes to the rescue as well!
My daughter is privileged in that way. I wonder how mothers who live alone with their husbands and children handle it particularly if the husband needs to report to the office for work.
Much more so for single parent mothers! How on earth do they manage to take care of their babies?
But manage they do, and this is why I am in awe of women! There is something in their DNA that somehow allows them to multitask and do a good job of it.
Something that we men, with all our self-conceit and macho-ness, would be hard put to even approximate!